Usaidwhat’s Weblog











{December 31, 2007}   New Year again?

New Years Resolution = a big load of crap.  No one ever sticks to their resolution.  I know women who lose 20-30 pounds each new year, and then gain it back by July.  That’s stressful on the heart.  What is the point?  Who exactly are you trying to look sexy for, Ms. Fatass?  You’re 360 pounds, and shedding 20 pounds ain’t doing ya any good!  Sure, you MIGHT cut that risk of diabetes down by like 10%… IF that.  You’re still no where near good enough for that tankini bathing suit you bought.  You should stick to the mumu with sweatpants… no one wants to see you in anything less than that.

Why do doctors tell us we are too fat anyway?  Doctor die of diseases like cancer and diabetes, and some of them are in top physical form.  Hmmm.. makes me wonder.  I hear about all of these “healthy foods” that people are buying (i.e. Nutrasystem and Weight Watchers brand foods) and I think “wow those are ridiculously expensive”.  Doesn’t anyone know how to fucking cook anymore?  No, instead we go and buy the insanely expensive marketed foods and eat them like they’re going out of fashion, lose the 20 pounds, and then when the fad diet is over, we go back to eating our bacon and eggs, cake with frosting, and white bread and gain back 30 pounds.  Adults think children have bad eating habits – wanting to eat everything with Shrek or Bill Cosby (I assume he’s what kids like these days) on the package – but adults, are you paying attention to what YOU are eating?  How about some vegetables… some proteins… fiber??  No wonder you’re a lard ass.   I don’t want to hear about how your New Years Resolution is to lose weight, because that’s the same fucking thing you said last year and the year before that.  How about your New Years Resolution is to stop buying skimpy outfits that you *might* fit into next year?  How about you START smoking?  That’ll shed the pounds alright.  You’ve seen models, the coke and smoking.. come on, they’re all skinny.  Try that fad diet!

See you all next year, I’m going to down this meat lover’s pizza.



In driving to get dinner on a Sunday afternoon the week before Christmas, it dawned on me how insane the traffic was. Christmas shopping is bullshit. What happened to when Christmas was all about family, love and, well, Jesus’ Birthday??? Now all it is is an excuse to go out and blow $2k on your family’s gifts and be broke for the rest of the year. Oh, what’s wrong, can’t find the Nintendo WII? OH! That’s okay because they’re giving out IOU’s this year… you can get it in January. What a fucking ripoff. Nobody needs all that shit – movies, expensive clothes, Nintendo, CD’s, etc. My mother keeps asking what I want for Christmas and I’m like “NOTHING!!!!”. I don’t need anything. I own my own home and I have a job, and I can buy my own shit. Besides, that’s what birthdays are for. The one day when you are special. If I know what I am getting for Christmas or my birthday, it blows the whole present. I like the element of surprise. I guess you could say the surprise is my gift. If you want to give me a lump of dog shit and wrap it up all nice and neat and you see that look in my eye when I open up the steaming pile, well that should be your ‘thank you’ right there – my expression.

Back to the point – I am not buying Christmas presents anymore. Nobody appreciates the shit I buy them or they just re-gift it. From now on, I will just go to the Christmas dinner and get drunk. Yup, drunken Christmas, no gifts, and I might even puke on the floor. You can call that your gift from me if you’d like.



et cetera
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